sometimes a ritual is needed...

she asks me
what does the ritual entail?
back at the beginning
of the year ending
and I begin to try
to articulate
what it is
I do
this happens a lot
she asks me a question
and I try to find an answer
to satisfy her interest
and it helps me
to become clear
to understand
what it is
I do
and why

I begin to mull on it
first
then try to write it down
so I can figure it out
articulate
a response suitable
a response accurate
a truth I can convey
a truth I feel but find difficult
to speak of

I begin to write
the ritual entails...
and piece together
from the beginning
a series of actions
a series of practices
that I have come to use
for various reasons
from various sources
over time spent alone
time spent in hope
time spent seeking
a connection
and finding it
seeking to make it stronger
solid
freely available
at all times

the ritual entails
generating that connection
to The Universe
through various means
not scientific
but visceral
a feeling of an action

resonating with energy
a specific form of

basically
The Love

actions and practices
that have become ingrained
over time

that seem to help
that do help
though I can't prove it
and I don't need to
because I know
in The Knowing way
that the ritual helps

the ritual is an action
that has the energy
and perpetuates the energy
of The Love

it exists in different forms
at different times
in different guises
it speaks to different questions
and dilemmas
sometimes it solidifies
makes whole a shattered part
sometimes fills the gap between
something that was known only a little
now known more fully
grasped

the ritual sets the intention
at times
setting out the hope
for a change
an understanding
a longing
wanting
in an active
way
devoid of fear or regret
or any sense of futility
in the action the intention
is set
then the outcome
becomes transformed already
regardless of the details
of what happens next
in the action
there is space for
the truth of the intention
to live
to come to life and live
because sometimes the
rational mind can only see
the rational
and limits the parameters
of the potential
the ritual bypasses this
while not reneging

at times a response
to change is needed
a response akin to
an offering
or a marking of a shift
in perspective
in understanding
of The Life
to articulate
or even before
to acknowledge
that something is different now
something has changed
and it needs to be marked
the ritual then is a
witnessing
a means to bare witness
a mutual witnessing
The Universe and I

sometimes the ritual
is about letting go
this one is about letting go
simple
old school
letting go
lighting the papers
watching them burn
saying goodbye
the past gone
forever
nothing new there
it always was
never is
in the ritual
watching
flames take it all away
take it away
it lands in a way
that no amount of
talking about it
ever could
no amount
of writing it out
or sharing
ever could
watching the fire
adding papers to it
wishing them all well
as it burns
transformation of matter
from solid to dust
blown away into the ether
dust into smoke
smoke into air
and all the past is there
and watching I can say goodbye
to the things I need to say goodbye to
to the things I'm conscious of
and the things I'm not
but are happening anyway
inside me
outside me too
and in the watching
I bare witness to all
that went before
in deed and thought
and expectation
and imaginings
and I say goodbye
let go
let it go
LET IT GO

not everything needs to be burned
but some things absolutely do
held for too long
in boxes and bags
gathering dead dust
gathering
fear
they need to be fired up
aired out
sent out into the world
again
they need to transform
into a new state
a new
way of being
find a new form

and in the action
in the watching
in the ritual
something is changed
that can't be changed
in any other way
I don't know why
but it's true

for me
it's true