Sunday, March 17, 2013

all that signified me...

I haven't written in a while, until today, basic posts and publishing drafts of posts that had been sitting there, waiting on me to decide if they were relevant, worth posting, not all of them are, but they are all process, so for that alone they are worth posting.

I haven't written because I was making and presenting the theatrical ritual to mark the end of PROJECT DOWNSIZE: all that signified me... presented as part of THE THEATRE MACHINE TURNS YOU ON: Vol. 3 "A revolution is a change of mind" proudly curated by THEATREclub & Project Arts Centre in January 2013.

Photographer: Naomi Goodman

all that signified me...
Let it all go, out into the world. To be used, valued. Let it all go, enough for everyone, without waste. Gifting what I can't bare to lose, with the message 'Wishing you LOVE & ABUNDANCE & JOY'. Learning to wish that for myself too. Letting it all go, I was aiming for a different life then, I have the right to change how I live. We all do.
all that signified me... is a performative reflection of Project Downsize, a process through which I gave away everything I owned, holding only what I need to live. What do I need to live, HERE & NOW?

The performance ritual of PROJECT DOWNSIZE took place over two nights at Project Arts Centre in January 2013.  
On stage was everything that I still had, all the things which I still carried.  My Grandmothers armchair which lives with my sister now, as I do for the moment, my rucksack containing the clothes that I still have, a laptop bag with current paperwork with a section zipped up tight with a note reading: 


Photographer: Naomi Goodman
Three envelopes for gifting to people I just haven't had the chance to give them to yet; my coffee pot given to me by my very good friend in a moment of crisis; The spiral on the floor was made up of all the letters I'd received from the bank regarding my current mortgage arrears to date, recycled after the event; in the centre of the spiral of life sat my friend's prayer stool which he hadn't collected and so I used for the performance; my camino diary in front of the stool; 2 walking sticks, one found in Annaghmakerrig 2011, one given to me in Annaghmakerrig in 2012 placed on either side of the stool; a wall of negatives (photograph negatives), destroyed after the event, hung alongside my Grandmothers chair:

Wall of Negatives in the making
Research material on homelessness, previous notes on this project and The Good Room by David Mc Williams sat on the floor beside the chair; in the chair cushion a sound installation played my contemplations on ritual, why some things absolutely need to be burnt; my long white skirt for the rituals hung over the back of the chair and functioned as a screen where the photographs and scanning of all the things I used to own played throughout; a live feed camera focused on the chair and projected on the back wall of the theatre; upstage a cordless microphone lay on the floor in a taped out area containing my will, the most recent letter from the bank, my response in writing to them and the picture of my home from the estate agent I bought it from in 2000; in the middle of the back wall a screen projected a film which played throughout the show with images of my home, the precious objects I had to gift, ticket stub collection, lands from my camino diary, images of my pilgrimmage to Santiago in 2011, and an excerpt from Krishnamurti speaking:

Why Don't You Change:

The film concluded with footage taken at my home mid PROJECT DOWNSIZE before renovations took place for renting; a small television upstage played footage of me talking about this project at MAKE in Annaghmakerrig in March 2012 and the Performance Lecture I gave at Sorcha Kenny's Walking We Ask Questions Part 2 during ABSOLUT Fringe 2012.

Photographer: Naomi Goodman

EXTRACTS from the performance ritual: all that signified me...


Installation from the performative reflection of Project Downsize, a process through which Veronica gave away everything she owned, holding only what she needed to live.
She is asking the question "What do I need to live, HERE & NOW?"
Veronica invites you to Project Cube, to experience a performative installation from 8.30pm - 9.40pm where you can walk through the world of Project Downsize at your own pace, see the photos of everything she gave away, look at the letters from the bank that led to the surrender of her home and have a chat with her at 10pm where she will reveal all in her performance lecture "all that signified me..."

Photographer: Naomi Goodman
The Installation was open to the public for about an hour before the show each night and provided the opportunity for people to walk through the space and examine the different elements of the show, in an immersive interactive way, sitting in the chair listening to the rediscovery of ritual and its importance, its function in the downsizing; the opportunity to read through the camino diary seated on the prayer stool in the middle of the spiral of life of letters from the bank; a torch hung from the wall of negatives so that the images could be examined; my rucksack and bag were left open so that what I chose to keep could be viewed, except the sealed section which contained private items; the mapping of the overall project was hung on the wall in the entrance to the space and light so that people could read the wider implications and ongoing research concerns; the film on the television played my explanation and interrogations of what the HERE & NOW project might be filmed at MAKE in Annaghmakerrig in March 2012, and the Performance Lecture at Walking We Ask Questions Part 2. In the centre screen a version of my installation 'Enough Rope' played in homage to Dimitris Christoulas, the Greek pensioner who shot himself in 2012 outside the parliament in Athens in protest of the austerity measures: 

Everything was touchable, readable, watchable and those coming into the space were encouraged to interact with all of the elements at their own pace and in their own way. 
Music that inspired me while working on this show played in the space creating a relaxed yet lively atmosphere conducive to the freedom of the audience to interact in their own way with the elements in the space.  I was also present to speak with and discuss the issues with people who had questions and responses.

Photographer: Naomi Goodman
The Installation was the set for the performance, the performance took place within the Installation.
all that signified me... facilitated the integration of strands of my artistic practices to date: installed theatre, sound installation, writing and live performance.

there's things I'll never show you or explain...

There's things I'll never show you or explain
because I won't, not because I can't
because there's a difference between privacy and keeping a secret
because they involve other people
because they are only for me
perhaps for me and one other person in the world
I had such things
I have such things still
less than before
much much less than before
but still
I have such things

AFFECTED...addiction and being human


  • There is no addict - only human
  • The active addict is without Trust, the heart feels The Love but cannot stay in it long enough to trust it.  The addiction keeps us going in and out of the flow which makes for more confusion and less trust in The Love.

trained to fragment, fragmentation

Mid Downsizing...

Tuesday, 24th January, 2012:

She walks up the steps of life in the past,
the life she was aiming at 12 years before,
the life that she never achieved because she realized she never wanted it to begin with.

Opens the door to the past trying to be altered to accommodate the present,
its impossible to achieve given her circumstances,
given her constrained circumstances,
'Send us a few bob willya'
she says to the photograph of her Granny on her key ring

Can love change the world,
can it change a person,
can it solve the problems of society,
can it give without asking in return?

Camino Lands - Camino Diary Extracts

Camino Lands:

If this is the weight you feel you need to carry over the mountain Veronica, so be it.

- 23rd October 2011

Nothing ahead is as hard as what you've done.
 - 23rd October 2011

I came here to learn how to be here, not get there.
 - 24th October 2011

- 24th October 2011

Let the dead die.
 - 24th October 2011

Rabonne ICI
- 24th October 2011

"This is my body"
-24th October 2011

The forest has things to say to me
-25th October 2011

"An Unlikely Pilgrim"
-26th October 2011

-26th October 2011

Sleep and begin again. Try.
-26th October 2011

"How long will I carry this?"
"As long as I want to, I don't even want to let it go."
-27th October 2011

I'm grateful for the time and space to just be.
-28th October 2011

"If I ever failed you, I'm sorry"
- 29th October 2011

"The energy coming in and out of the heart in the palm"
- 29th October 2011

"Let me see what I need to see, do what I need to do;
Let me hear what I need to hear, say what I need to say;
There are six senses I thought"
- 28th October 2011

'The Army of the White Light is marching'


The Crying sock!

'How long will I carry this?
As long as it takes.'

What have I fought for?

Perspective - it's all about

'To get up a mountain you have to go round it'

'How do you let go? ABSOLUTELY'



Real not polite


"Sometimes when you listen people think you have nothing to say" - C


You can get up and walk out of a city

You can walk into and right out of a city

"WITHOUT HESITATION" - everything bad that I am afraid of has already happened so, no hesitation, not any more 
- conversation with C

"After being in a situation like this we cannot go back to our homes, we must find another life!" 
- C


San Anton give me back what I have lost please - ruins 
 - 7th November 2011

Every day we walk out of the desert

This is the listening time "Ultreia!"

There is no 'addict' only human


- C

The mountain says "YES"

Here I am a witch
Listen to the mountain

The active addict is without Trust, the heart feels The Love but cannot stay in it long enough to trust it.  The addiction keeps us going in and out of the flow which makes for more confusion and less trust in The Love.


Leave it all here
Walk on in Trust
All things are different now
-Cruz de Ferro

Pink roses for two days

Seeing Gran Mc in the Misa with the Immaculate Conception nuns
- Villafranca

Today I remembered why I came here:
to talk with and listen to The Universe

No Expectations  - Be Prepared


'Whatever happens next is meant'

"Ta mo chroi briste, Buachas le Dhia."

-7th November 2011

'This is the part of your life where you walk in ever decreasing circles'
-20th November 2011

Medicament Predicament
Homeless, sleep rough
Shopping trolley, donations, socks, gloves, hats etc.

People are distracting

'I manifested this' - solo pilgrim in Samos 
- 22nd November 2011

The White Horse of Freedom

The Understanding is in the small detail


Wear white

Eat when you're hungry


Healing through love

The Energy of Love is transformative

"I will Always bring you out of the desert"
"I will Always feed you"

Test: meeting the man on the way after Palais de Rei
- 25th November 2011

Everyday I walk into the Unknown 
towards the Universe

Walking aromatherapy

'The Traveller has tales to tell'
- 5th December 2011

'Walking faster doesn't get you there any quicker'

'Gracias' to The Universe
The Universe says 'Denada'

The sky is very important

The mountain turning off my electrical goods, MP3 & phone, then seeing Granda Paddy
"It's been a while"
"Yes it's been a while"
and hearing the poem from his memorial card
the White man up ahead of me on the path
Walking with the White Man

A day or two later, Granda Paddy in the trees
"You've Done All You Can" or "You Did All You Could"

The Natural is all connected.
 - 7th December 2011

Life is about to be very exciting, so get ready for it and The Abundance & Joy.

Things that have been quietly growing will finally bloom and dead leaves will blow quietly away.

All is well 
And all will be well
(And all is well)

Mapping the HERE & NOW...Interconnectedness

Mapping my HERE & NOW while sitting at a coffee shop thinking about all the things going on in my life right at that moment in time.  Not the constant running list of tasks to be ticked off but the mapping of what/who/where/when/how I'm connected to people places and things in The Universe right in the moment.  And it's vast and ultimately unwritable, but the mapping helps to locate myself in a broader context, helps me to qualify to myself where I am HERE and NOW, in this moment, in this microcosm of forever and ever. In the style of my uncle teaching me about Tony Buzan when I was starting college, except mapping my here and now is less linear or clear and becomes a vast mess of feelings, practicals, work, life, people, events... It's an interesting exercise to do regularly, to ground myself in the here and now moment and realise everything I am connected to in this exact moment, it feels overwhelming and amazing to map the connections across the The Universe.

Then, in another form, to take paper and felt pens and attempt to outline and through this begin to shape the research I am undertaking in this project.  To try to categorize in some way the areas I'm investigating.  By mapping out these areas I can try to find resonance betwixt and between them, to prioritize the content and begin to make decisions about what I need to delve into more, what links with what, what will never link in any obvious practical way but resonates on the visceral liminal level, and that's what I'm most interested in finding, most interested in discovering...



Children coming out of Care:


The Love is the answer to all the questions...



Arrears Options