Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Belfast city walking Saturday 16th June 2012

Walking out into a city, unfamiliar, unknown to me, smell out the way towards the river, you can always smell out the river.  
If there is one.  
Walking through the shopping area, it's all there, like every where else, Mc Donald's, Marks & Spencer's, Dunnes, Disney, all the same, I could be any where Dublin, London, Edinburgh, Belfast.  There's an energy in the people though, an animation that moves me, they're speaking to each other, with each other, every where.  
Current exhibition at the new MAC Belfast

Crinkled brow.
Concentrate, where am I going? Does it matter? 
Where ever I go I take myself with me. 
Unravelling in Belfast June 16th, is it Bloomsday? God bless Joyce. He got out. Some where else, he had to.  Now he's a National treasure.  He'd hate that. What good did it do him? 

'today's plan is already yesterday's - the streets that were there are gone.

End up some where else.  Unfamiliar.  I can see the Harland & Wolff cranes on the horizon but the road is in my way.
I can't get there.

I don't know what I'm doing, why I'm here, is there anything wrong with beauty, art for arts sake?
Do people need to be entertained as part of life, or just so we can keep going?  
Is it enough? 
Is this enough?

H & W 

Sitting having coffee, just like always.  Write it down.  Try to understand. J'essay.  The feeling of total alonement, not even a word, with me all week, totally alone.  And it's only barely true, only barely true and yet it's total.  In a part of me that I can't speak of with the people I love.  I don't know how to figure all this out.  Not yet.  
Back to basics, back to the drawing board, to the empty pages with a nice new pen. 

'This is the part of my life when I walk in ever decreasing circles'.  

And I don't know how to change it right now, what to change or how.  I don't know how to make it better for myself.  I just don't know right now.  
Imagination.  Fixation. Bereft.  
I feel slightly bereft.  
If I can feel slightly that? 
That's how I feel.  
And fearful.  In parts. 
All is actually well and all will be well. 
I just am lost right now. 

Lost in the Here & Now.

I'll go and see the exhibition now and then walk down to the Botanic Gardens.

Rainbows inside at the MAC

And I find inside, again, 


bringing the outside in. 

                                            ....AND ALL WILL BE WELL.

'The Permanent Present' - Mark Garry at the MAC

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